10 Reasons Why Intelligent Men Fail With Women
That is an original Article from David DeAngelo back in the early 2000s.
I will refer to it as"The Genius Failure Paradox".
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the trend for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very lower degrees of succeeding with women and dating.
After contemplating this particular paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an wonderful amount of time, I'd love to share my thoughts about it with you.
I presume that if you've read this far, then you see probably yourself as smarter than the average guy.
You know that you're somewhat different than other guys.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw matters differently, and thought differently than others in school...
And you have probably realized that your smart mind gives you an advantage over others in several areas of life...
Your smart mind provides you a specific type of benefit which can be very, very successful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart folks become used to being"right", because they usually ARE right.
And when you're RIGHT more frequently than others, you can get ahead in many circumstances.
But regrettably, this smart head of yours can zachowanie żony po zdradzie actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.
It may actually be like using a hammer when you need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have for the job, you're most likely make the situation WORSE.
Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his odds for success...
But trust me, this is one of those scenarios.
So relax, open your mind, and allow me to share with you the ten reasons why smart men fail with girls... and what to do about it.
REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T OR WON'T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT
I mentioned that smart men are Utilized to being RIGHT in most situations.
And what do most smart guys do if they come across a situation where they're WRONG?
They locate a new situation... one that matches their strength. They know they will be right next time, so they simply walk away... knowing it will not be long until they're straight again.
(OR they allow the"problem scenario" ruin them... more on that later.)
There's no quick"I am right" around the next corner to make you feel much better.
It merely takes"failing" with a few women in a row for a smart guy to see the pattern... and realize that something is not working.
Solution? Think harder.
A clever guy just assumes his logic has to be good... so he just keeps thinking tougher.
But when no success comes, it truly starts
to become emotionally difficult.
Accepting that you are wrong is a very difficult thing to get a"smart guy".
Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is much more difficult.
Finally, many smart guys think of the following logical conclusion:
I'm a Wise GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T Work out How TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that to get a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
In short, many smart guys refuse to accept this a good, solid, viable answer could come from somebody"dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an"obviously less smart person" before trying it.
Let me ask you a question:
In case you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the man on this planet with the greatest I.Q., or a caveman who lived just a thousand years ago that had an I.Q. of about 50... but that grew up being chased by dinosaurs and all kinds of creatures that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's an interesting question.
Now, ideally you'd like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who has escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly creatures...
But now allow me to ask you:
In case you'd like to understand the way to be successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a man who is not very intelligent, but who knows how to attract women?
There's something about being smart that makes some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone that isn't either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any wise GUY is able to see the folly in this particular approach... once it's analyzed carefully.
If you have been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT.
Look about.
Discover from some"dumb" guys... and let them teach you how you can get what you REALLY want.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It BLOWS MY MIND the number of smart men I meet that simply don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.
It is like they have logically reasoned that social abilities are for reduced beings who need to play games... and not really worth the time it would take to learn them.
Actually, I believe that there are a lot of
smart guys running around this planet who do not
even have"social skills" and"be a cool guy that people love" within their"MENTAL MODEL" of what it could possibly have to be successful with women and dating.
Social skills are only the... SKILLS.
They are not social Info.
They're not social THEORIES.
They are social SKILLS.
And you also don't get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.
Excellent social skills are the basis for good communication with other humans... and if you don't have great social skills, you dramatically lower your odds for success with women.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
Smart men do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They think of all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.
They really figure out why what they'd love to do is likely to fail...
They use their awesome creative imaginations to imagine all sorts of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those fanciful results to create negative emotions... which ultimately stop them from having success with women and dating.
But if you've thought something through and come up with a good reason why it might fail, it is reasonable to not take action, right?
I mean, why would you want to do things which are going to fail?
It's sound logic, however HORRIBLE thinking in regards to the REAL WORLD... and success with girls.
Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND ladies, and they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to achieve success with women, they are working with bad characters. They are wrong before they start figuring!
With your mind to develop with all the reasons why things will not work in this area of your own life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn to overcome this habit if you've got it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY"INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What exactly does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem... or he wants to figure something out?
He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the problem.
MORE INFORMATION is always the response.
Info is the friend of a wise guy.
Got a strange virus on your computer? Just jump online and find out how to remove it.
Don't know how to change the alternator in your car? No prob. Just purchase the guide and turn to page 147.
Don't understand the definition of a phrase? Open your dictionary.
What exactly do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with women?
They want MORE Info.
They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magical idea.
How would you even know that it was making matters worse?
NowI really don't want to suggest that studying more about how to succeed with women is a bad thing. It's not.
But in case you've got a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five thousand theories on it probably isn't going to help you very much.
You need to get out from the real world and try some things!
You Want to Check at the REAL problem... that the Origin of the problem.
In regards to women and dating, there's an excellent possibility that you have MORE than sufficient"information".
Smart guys often use"more information" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this called"Creative Avoidance".
Nod softly if you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid confronting something on your life.
Good, thank you.
So what do most smart guys do when they meet a girl?
They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I am shaking my head right now...
Smart men attempt to engage women in LOGICAL interactions and conversations because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not understanding they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!
When you begin a logical conversation with a woman you've just met, you're essentially taking a NEON SIGN that says"I do not get it when it comes to girls" and putting it on your head.
Average"logical" conversations include things like speaking about work, family, faculty, and tasks... talking politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with mathematics, science, or INTELLIGENCE.
On the flip side, if you begin talking to a girl and you say"OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all girls say they want candy, nice guys... but they date sexy, selfish bad boys" (and then make fun of any response she gives) you are with an EMOTIONAL dialogue.
In case you don't understand what I'm talking about, continue reading. You need more help than I believed.
REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT
Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.
If you're taking an examination, you can sit and work out the responses.
If you've got a math problem, it is possible to work on it until you've figured out it.
If you are attempting to fix something, you can keep working on it until it is fixed.
Smart men are utilized to being able to take at least a small bit of time to prepare and flaunt their"good sides" in most situations.
Not so with women...
If you don't know what to do at each step along the way, you are going to be closed down very quickly.
Girls have an AMAZING"He doesn't get it" radar program.
Girls have all kinds of subtle and innovative tests that they throw at men to separate the"get its" in the"don't get its".
And if you don't get it, then you're likely to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.
But the worst part is you won't ever KNOW that you were being tested... OR you failed.
Smart men aren't used to coping with complex EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the second... and particularly the"women and dating" type.
But before you can find out how to take care of the tests, you have to first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, the way to demonstrate that you've got basic social abilities, and the best way to keep your cool in the moment.
Two ) Learn about her favourite travel destination so you might discuss it with her.
OK, time's up.
I mentioned that this was a TRICK question.
But WHY?
These three options all seemed plausible, right?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favourite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you want to discuss her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?
Move with me here...
Smart men think that they're being CLEVER if they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them into the FIRST DATE.
Right?
In their heads, they're thinking"I'm going to be the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to appear with all the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's going to see them like me more because of it".
Makes sense... good math, right?
Well the one teensy-weensy mistake these"smart" men make is not realizing that it doesn't really take a smart person to think in this way!
Actually, ANY jackass can work out how to kiss a lady's ass.
And guess what?
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance, will think he is being such the charmer by using this"thoughtful" strategy...
...and the woman he's chasing will interpret it as another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her. Another blow to intelligence.
MISTAKE #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT
Have you ever met a smart guy who always desired to be"right"?
Have you ever met somebody who would actually argue with http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection®ion=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/seduction you about something that they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they simply couldn't close their"smart mouths"?
Over the past few years helping guys improve their success with women, I visit that this one pattern over and over again...
Smart guys do not want to be"beginners" in ANYTHING.
They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially if others are seeing.
They wish to keep this"smart guy" picture of themselves... so they try to always be"The Pro" at whatever they do.
Rather than saying"Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner at this... how can I do it? What should I do ? What ?" ... and rather than being totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking that they're beginners... so they end up ultimately FAILING.
MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart guys are usually IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Entirely stopped.
FROZEN.
And because many smart men are not comfortable dealing with things they are not good at, they just repress or RUN away from fear.
Many guys would rather DIE in lonely isolation compared to acknowledge that they don't understand how to take care of their emotions... or, GODFORBID, ask for help!
Hey, I went for YEARS like this.
I know what it's like.
But the reality is that any guy can learn how to handle as well as MASTER his feelings (even fear)... if he takes the time and effort to understand how to do it.
If this is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Pick out the effort.
Do not worry about what anybody else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.
What's that you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.
...I feel that the main reason why I'm so fascinated with"The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had to struggle with each these problems for a lot of years of my life.
Now, I am not saying that I am the smartest guy in the world...
But I don't believe mamma raised no fool.
Plus it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I was so good at figuring things out, I could not figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me that you understand what I'm speaking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a few years... trying all sorts of crazy"logical" stuff... I finally got the"bright" idea to start studying guys who were"naturally" good with girls.
Of courseI found out you might be equally NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN in the exact same moment.
I also heard that you can be wise and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully studying what the"naturals" failed with women... and studying how they"thought" about the subject, I started to understand that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
Much of what I heard was quite tough for me to take... because my logical brain simply didn't need to purchase it.
One thing I saw was men pushing women away from them... and having the girls then chase them in response.
Made no sense at all.
I saw men tease beautiful women and make jokes about them to their faces... then watched those women become"little girls" in response... unable to maintain their composure, and so not able to keep their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was learning until I personally figured out how to approach women in any circumstance... get any woman's number I wanted anytime I wanted... date some other kind of girl I desired...
...and above all, GET RID of that"empty" feeling that I carried around my whole life because I did not find out how to attract women.
And once I got this region of my own life together, I decided to help other guys get this area of THEIR lives together.
The greatest effect of all this time, effort, and energy is my free Secret Society Letters.
And I'd love to invite you to register.
It's completely free, there is no obligation, I will never share your email address with anyone, and you may easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
Of course, it even gets better than that...
In addition to my free Secret Society Letter, I also have a killer downloadable eBook which you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES from right now.
It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things to a"physical" level smoothly and easily.
And I'll speak to you soon.